I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
