so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
