"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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