i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
