well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
