what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize