My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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