don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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