her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
