pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
