Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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