no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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