You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Randomize
