haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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