I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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