wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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