Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
