when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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