1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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