dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize