Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
