No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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