Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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