we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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