she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
