Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
