her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
