honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
