You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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