meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
