i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
