Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
