Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
