i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
