Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize