new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
