I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
