3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
