I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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