I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so explain again why im purple
no
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
