It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Why did my mother make you get naked?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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