i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
