I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
