Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
