I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think im going to throw up on grandma
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
this is an emotional support booty call
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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