he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
