We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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