my vag is so smooth its legendary
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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