I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
