I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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