I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
