What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we're making bets on your personal life
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize