i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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