they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
