I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
