im drinking this country out of the recession.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
