Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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