addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
