My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
