and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
