saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
