the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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