Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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