I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
