she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
