I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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