they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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