Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
