i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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