saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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