My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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