return my video game
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
