2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
