are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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