Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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