Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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